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January 16, 2014, 4:55 A.M
I should be sleeping, but I can’t seem to get myself to fall asleep. It’s only Thursday, and I’ve already been drunker and higher than I have ever been. I have no idea what this weekend is going to be like. Beth was flush with cash and drugs from her new connection. She was dealing for someone in one of the local gangs. I wasn’t really happy with it, but my opinion never matters to her. I’m basically just the eye candy for her. Beth is the butch type, but like pretty butch. She’s bigger, around one hundred and fifty pounds and only five foot six, so she had some weight to her. She preferred her hair short, but she had a pretty face. Her tough exterior is what attracted me to her in the first place. I like feeling protected, and when you are a lesbian, there are only so many options out there if you are looking to feel safe.
I’ve never been attracted to a man before. Yes, I can look at one and know they are good looking, I’m not blind. But I’ve never looked at one and thought, damn I want to fuck that. Beth really likes that I’m pure in that sense. Never even had another guy’s lips on mine. She hates anyone who isn’t gay or straight. She doesn’t care if you are straight as long as you stay straight. She doesn’t believe in experimenting or someone being bi-sexual or transgender. She thinks it’s all bullshit that society is allowing people to get away with. Me, I don’t care who you are, as long as you are happy. Isn’t that the whole point in life? To be happy? I’m still working on that part.
Beth and I met six months ago when I got back to London from the States. My parents had sent me there for University. They said it would be better for me to be more globally experienced. That living in the United States was every person’s dream. And with them both being lawyers and coming from a lawyer based family, off I went to law school. I didn’t even last a year before I was quitting and back over here in London. My family hasn’t forgiven me for it and still to this day tries to get me to agree to go back and not shame our family by being some dropout. Kinda funny really. My family is ashamed and embarrassed because I don’t want to be a lawyer, and I’m not working towards a fancy degree. But they don’t give a shit about me liking pussy over dick. That’s how fucked up my blood family is. Maybe if we were closer I wouldn’t need to find a family in my LGBT community.
That community is why I’m sitting here at almost five in the morning on the side of the tub in my girlfriend’s bathroom trying to figure out how I got so damn fucked up tonight. I can’t figure out where my life went wrong, and this is exactly the problem with doing too much cocaine. You can’t sleep, and your mind starts thinking about all the shit that has happened in your life. Everything was so much simpler when I was younger. I thought the hardest thing I would go through was finding out I was gay. Yet, it was simple. My family just said ok and asked if I liked anyone at school. Like we were talking about the weather. It didn’t even phase them. I had been so worried about telling them. My stomach was in knots, and I spent an hour in the bathroom throwing up before I got the nerve to go down for dinner. I had heard so many stories from other gay kids in my school and around the community about how their parents kicked them out, attacked them. I was terrified that mine would be the same, but I knew I couldn’t keep it hidden. I didn’t want to. And all they had to say was ok. All that worry for nothing.
So when the time came when I told them I wanted to be an artist, I didn’t even hesitate. After all, how could they not encourage me on my dreams when they supported me with my sexual orientation? But boy was I wrong. They lost their shit. Went on and on about how I wouldn’t disgrace this family by being some common artist living an unfulfilled life. To them being an artist was a quick jump to drugs, poverty, and homelessness. Ha, jokes on them I’m not an artist and I’m still into drugs, crashing on friends’ couches. The only difference is I’m not making my paintings that provide me with a sense of purpose and peace. I’m miserable, I know I am. The drugs just give me the ability to say it and see it. But I have no idea how I’m ever going to get out of this. I could leave London, but where would I go? I’d only end up with no place to live. At least here I know I can sleep under someone’s roof.
I need to start figuring out a plan. Beth is getting deeper and deeper into the drugs and the gang, it’s only a matter of time before I’ll be forced to do something for them or she’ll be arrested. If I keep depending on Beth I’m going to get screwed. A flash of light outside of the bathroom window catches my attention. I got up and carefully looked outside, I could just make out the police moving around the house.
“Shit.” I whispered.
I don’t know what came over me at that moment, but the next thing I knew, I was quickly running out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Beth was sound asleep, I went to work on throwing on a pair of shorts and my sandals before grabbing my bag. As I turned to leave, ready to run from the house, I stopped and looked over to the bedside table. I knew I didn’t have long. The police would be coming in here within minutes, but Beth was going to be arrested. There were enough drugs in this house to put her away for ten years. It wouldn’t be wrong for me to look out for myself. Quickly, I went over to the bedside table and started to remove the stash of cash that she had taped to the back of it. I threw it into my bag, running to the kitchen, doing the same to the money in the freezer. I had no idea how much it would be, but it would be more than what I had. I could see the lights getting closer, I had to go.
I ran for the back of the house to one of the side windows that faced the side alley between the houses. I did a quick check, there were no cops, so I climbed out of the window, dropping to the ground. I stayed there until I heard the doors being kicked open and then I ran with everything in me, not caring to look back.
Dec 30, 2019
I can’t believe another year has gone by. When I allow myself to think about where I started and where I am now, it seems surreal. It’s been almost five years since that night at Beth’s house. Nearly five years since she was arrested for drug possession. They had found enough cocaine to sentence her to seven years, she was supposed to be out in three to four years, but a fight put her parole off another year. From what Martha has been saying, she’s up for parole soon, they think she’ll be out. I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s a problem for another day. Right now, it’s reflection time.
After that night I ran to a hotel and spent the next week trying to figure everything out. I had managed to take just over five hundred thousand pounds from Beth’s stash. I found out later that it wasn’t all hers. This was also where money from the gang was being stashed. Turns out Beth was allowing the crew to use her house as a stash house for drugs and money. I didn’t find that out until about a year later when Martha had mentioned Beth asking about the money in the house that the police apparently didn’t find. It wasn’t really shocking that they didn’t find it, I had it. Not that I was telling anyone that. I used a good chunk of the money to purchase a one-bedroom flat for myself. Everyone thinks my wealthy parents bought it for me with the promise of going back to school and getting back on track. I spent six months after that keeping my distance from the community. I had to make it believable. I knew through the grapevine that everyone was questioning how the police knew about Beth and how I knew to run before everyone else. I knew it was a risk. I should have woken everyone up and then took off, it could be seen as a betrayal in the community. Thankfully my age worked in my favour, plus the fact that everyone thinks I’m an idiot. I told them I was scared and ran when I heard the doors being kicked open. They believed me.
They always do, I’m the pretty fun girl, and to them I’m stupid. It’s amazing how fast everyone forgot that I was accepted into law school across the pond. I’m obviously not stupid. Those six months though were both freeing and lonely. During that time, I spent it trying to figure out what my life was going to be. I didn’t want to spend all of the money, just in case something happened down the road. I’ve used part of it throughout the past five years. I purchased a car, food, shopping, hair, nails, little things like that. The biggest challenge I had was trying to find work. I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had purchased art supplies, but I could never bring myself to try and sell my paintings. Beth’s voice in my head kept telling me they weren’t good enough, that I wasn’t good enough. So they just stayed covered up in one corner in my living room. I kept telling myself that, one day I’ll be brave enough to have a show put together, but in all honesty, I don’t know if I’ll ever be brave enough for that.
A job was the tricky part. I had almost a hundred grand sitting in a bank account, so if anyone ever found out, I needed an occupation that could justify such figures. It was one thing to lie and say my parents bought me a flat, but another thing to say they handed me a hundred grand with that. So it had to be a job that made good money without requiring a degree. The only things that came to my mind were modelling and escorting. Now, after almost five years, that is exactly what I have been doing.
I’m an underwear model and also working as an escort, strictly for women only. At first, I wasn’t too sure about being an escort. I’ve slept around with women before, plenty of times. Beth wasn’t one for sharing, but she did like having threesomes with me. Being an escort was scary but also exciting. It made me all tingly inside. I love the disconnect of it all. I’m just there to pleasure her and that’s it. Fake names and everything. There is nothing personal, no connection, no feelings. It’s basic needs. You can’t disappoint someone if they are just there to warm the sheets with you. That’s the best part. If they aren’t disappointed in you, they can’t hurt you, and they can’t leave. There’s no hurt. I’m sick of being hurt.
Now it’s been almost five years since I started all of this, I’m back deep in the community. A spot I’m not really sure I want to be in. Beth is going to be out soon and I’ll have to deal with that shit storm. I’m sure she thinks I stole the money, I did, but I’ll need to figure out how to get out of that. Fucking five years already. How time flies when you are high.
Jan. 2, 2020
Why did I do this to myself? I get high, then the next day I always feel like shit as I’m coming down. What I need is some greasy food, but I’m fresh out of bacon, my fridge and cupboards are practically bare. New Year’s Eve is always one hell of a party for me, and this year it did not disappoint. I have spent the past two days getting drunker than ever and high. My body seriously needed a break soon. It got like this at times, I go too hard and my body takes a beating. I’ll need to take a break soon and get some R&R. Maybe I’ll book a spa day or something next week. As it stands. I am out of cocaine and Martha is nowhere to be found. I have a feeling she got arrested over the holiday, would not surprise me. Which is why I am heading to The Gale to see Ryan, Amber’s cousin. He’ll have enough cocaine to hold me over until I can catch up with Martha.
I walked in and didn’t see Ryan anywhere. He usually helped out with getting the bar set up and ready for the night. It was always weird seeing this place in the daytime. A club really shouldn’t be seen in the light of day, takes all the magic out of it. Instead of a good time, it just looks sad and old. Ryan walked out from the backroom carrying two cases of beer. I have to admit, this man was fucking fine. The arms on his man were bulging as he carried those beer cases. He wasn’t much taller than me, just tall enough that he was able to look down at me, but not too tall that I would have to go up on my tiptoes to even reach him. He had short black hair, milk chocolate skin, and brown eyes that a woman could get lost in. He worked security at this club and another gay club, Subs, I didn’t know much about him. He was Amber’s older cousin, he was straight, he was a vegan, possibly the only man in the world who doesn’t eat meat but has a dog that loves it. Something I take great pleasure in teasing him about. Other than that, that was it. I didn’t know much about him on a personal level. Just how I like it.
The smile he flashed my way when he saw me, if I was into men, it would have made my panties wet. This man was a milk chocolate temptation and could give any woman a sweet tooth.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I hated that nickname he had for me, and he knew it. He was the only one to call me Scar.
“Ryan, how many times do I have to tell you that is a terrible nickname,” I said as I leant against the bar.
He came over after putting down the beer cases, leaning against the other side of the bar. He reached over, gently removing my sunglasses.
“Damn Scar. You look like shit.”
“Wow, I’m touched by all of these compliments. You know just how to sweet talk a woman. It’s no wonder I’ve never seen you with one.” I snipped back. I was too hungover for this shit.
I was not prepared for the flash of hurt to cross through his eyes before they were locked down again.
“What can I say, I’m just waiting for the right girl to come along Scar.”
“Stop calling me that. It’s not a cute nickname. Scars are not attractive on a woman.”
“I thought all women thought scars were sexy?”
“Depends on the scar and on the body it’s on. Why you got any?” I asked with a flirty smile.
“I might. If you play your cards right, you might get to find out.” He said with a wink.
“Unless you magically change into a woman, then we are playing two completely different card games.”
“Come on, you can’t really go your whole life never knowing what it’s like to be with a man. How else would you know if you are fully gay or not?”
“Oh my god Ryan, you’ve slept with a man and didn’t tell me?” I said playfully.
“You know I haven’t, And before you say it, I’ve been kissed by a man, and I didn’t like it. So yes, I know I’m straight. Unlike you, who has never kissed a man.”
“Some of us just know. How’s that sweet dog of yours?”
Ryan had the most beautiful german shepherd that made my heart melt seeing him. I have no idea when Ryan got him or what their story is. Raider was a sweetheart though. I had a feeling he was abused or something before Ryan got him. You could just make out the few scars he had on his body and his legs. Raider has the sweetest brown eyes that reminded me of Ryan’s. They were a good match.
“He’s doing good. His hips have been sore the past couple of days, but the Vet said he’ll be ok. He won’t give up the meat, though.” Ryan said with a sexy smirk.
“You poor vegan man. Having to cut up meat for his dog.” I teased.
This man was fun. I didn’t tend to do too well with men, especially in the friendship department, but I like Ryan. He’s a good man.
“He’s worth it. Even if he’s on the dark side. Did you come by for a quickie or did you need something else?”
“You wish I was here for a quickie.”
Ryan had expressed an interest in me before, but once he found out I was gay, that attention turned into our back and forth teasing. There wasn’t any holding back when it came to talking about sex between us. It was nice.
“One day, you are going to crack and let me between those sexy legs of yours.” Ryan looked down and his tongue darted out of his mouth of a second. And for a second, just one little quick second, my mind couldn’t help but wonder just how it would feel to have Ryan’s tongue inside of me.
“Never going to happen,” I said, forcing the image out of my mind.
No matter how sexy this man was, I could never, ever do anything with him. Not saying that I would want to, but if I did, it could never happen. My LGBT family would never accept me if I slept with a man. It would ruin my purity. I would never hear the end of it, they would ridicule me.
“Well, if it’s not for a quickie, then you must be here for some powder.”
Ryan never embraced dealing, but Amber had convinced him to do it. He wasn’t comfortable with his cousin pushing drugs. His sense of duty to his family would keep him looking out for Amber. Why? I have no idea, she wasn’t exactly the nicest girl in the world. She had been in jail a couple of times for dealing drugs. She was hard, but Ryan had told me she was more of a follower than a leader. I could see his point. She always went along with whatever Martha said. Maybe if she hadn’t been caught up with Martha in her youth, she’d be a different person today.
“Just need a little bit to tide me over until Martha shows back up. You know where she is?”
“Nope, and don’t care. The sooner that bitch is in jail for good the better.” Ryan had an edge to his voice, and it was the first time I was hearing it. This fun, easy-going, friendly man had a deadliness to him. It would appear he had levels that I had no idea he had.
I pulled out the money from my pocket as I spoke. “I just need a gram.”
“You should really think about quitting.”
He took my money and pulled out a gram from his back pocket and placed it down on the bar top.
“It’s just a bit of fun,” I said with a smile.
“Liar.” He called me out, he always did.
It started off as fun when I was first seeing Beth. She was already into it and selling for the crew. The motivations seemed different back then, harmless fun every now and again to make yourself feel good. It grew from there. Now it was like my body needed it to get it through my life. Sure one day I’ll have to cut back and quit and re-evaluate my life, but that day is not today. I had work to do this week for my clients and modelling. I needed all the energy I could get, even from an artificial boost like cocaine.
“See you around,” I said, as I pocketed the drugs and put my sunglasses back on.
“See you around Scar.” He said back with a warm smile and his knowing eyes.
I swear he could see inside of my soul with them. All the more reason to get the hell out of here.
Jan. 4, 2020
You wouldn’t believe what my horoscope said.
“your finances might be a bit up in the air right now, but there is little you can do to control the situation or gain clarity today. Rather than letting yourself get nervous about your money situation, just play it safe and stay tight with your cash—just in case. Get into the habit of tightening your belt, in the near future, you will come across a great opportunity that requires a rather large lump of capital.”
Maybe that means I should leave. I mean I have a large lump of money, so it’s not like I need more, but it’s talking about opportunities. Maybe I’ll get a new job or someone will ask to buy my flat?
Now I have no idea what I’m going to do…
I don’t have long, I have to get ready for a client tonight, but I wanted just to write down something. I’m trying to do this more often. It’s Isabelle’s fault, she is an avid journaler. I’ve never done it before, but when I met her about six months ago, she told me that it really helps her get all of her thoughts out and in order. I figured it couldn’t hurt right? Nothing has really happened in the past two days. Martha was released later in the day on the 2nd. She had a drunk and disorderly, not surprising. They let her go once she was sober enough. I went with her yesterday to lunch along with Amber and Jane. The three of them were close with Beth and in with the gang. It got hard to not be around them after everything that happened, especially when they thought I stole the money. I did, but they couldn’t know that. The problem is I’ve known them since I was twenty. Now five years on, Beth’s sentence is coming to a conclusion. These women are going to be reunited soon. I have no idea what I’m going to do.
Beth is going to have questions, she’s going to demand answers from me. We have no idea how the police were tipped off about her. She’s going to assume it was me, just like she’s going to think I took the money. Just to top it off, I haven’t written or visited her this whole time. None of it looks good on me. Plus the flat that I got not long after she went to prison. Beth wasn’t smart, but she wasn’t stupid either. And she had one hell of a temper on her. This was going to be bad, and I have no idea how I’m going to avoid it.
I made my way up the elevator to the fifteenth floor of a very fancy hotel. This was a new client tonight that was looking to have a lady to play with. The agency that I use for my escorting is outstanding for assuring everyone is legit. This lady, who wants to be called Cookie, wants to play with me while her husband fucks her. It’s not the first time I’ve been an added player in someone’s threesome. It’s always made clear though, that I only find women attractive, which you would think would be an issue, but the women actually really like it. It means that they don’t have to worry about her husband getting more interested in the added party. They get to play, and she still gets to go home with her man without a worry.
Tonight, my name is Katie, it’s a go-to name of mine, but I do switch it up over the months to make sure I don’t get any crazy stalkers. Thankfully I haven’t had any, another added bonus of dealing with wealthy women instead of men. Once I arrived at the floor, I headed down the hallway and over to the correct door. I had been in the hotel before, it’s quite plush, always a great place to work out of. Plus, the clients usually leave afterwards, so I get an elegant hotel room all to myself for the night. Not that my flat wasn’t fancy, it was, but still, in a hotel room, I can pretend I’m somewhere else.
I knocked, and it didn’t take long for the door to open, there was the husband, we’ll call him Mr Cookie. He was an older man in his forties. His hair was just starting to turn salt and pepper. He had kind eyes, I don’t know why I’m drawn to that feature, but it’s the first thing I notice in someone. You would think that would make sense, besides where else are you going to look? Also, I believe there’s a truth in eyes that can reveal peoples true intentions.
“Good evening Katie, please come in.”
I stepped inside and saw that his wife was already laying on the bed in a very sexy little black lingerie number. She gave me a big smile as I walked over to the foot of the bed.
“Hello, beautiful.” I said.
Her red hair ran to her shoulders in a wave. She has Emerald green mischievous eyes that perfectly complimented her petit body. She was eager to play.
“Hello to you. I’d love to know what is under that coat.” She said back with a flirty smile.
I had on a long brown trench coat and some red stiletto heels. Underneath the coat was a matching two-piece lingerie set with a garter belt. My panties were crotchless, a real hit among my clients and the red bra was see-through. I removed the coat and allowed it to fall to the floor. I could tell they both approved of what I was wearing underneath it. I made sure I gave Cookie all of my attention though. I was here for her and not her husband. I made my way over to her, she instantly spread her legs as she spoke.
“Not one for four play. He likes to watch as my pussy is being eaten out.”
“Fine with me. That’s the best part.”
I placed myself between her legs and removed her panties before I opened her folds and gave it a long lick from the bottom to the top. She moaned at the contact, Mr Cookie moved so he could get a better view. His dick already in his hand. I ignored him and focused on my actual client. I began to lick her clit and suck it into my mouth before I moved lowered and started to tongue fuck her. She was very responsive to my tongue. She arched into my mouth, trying to get even more contact between us. I pushed my tongue even further into her sweet core, taking her as deep as I could.
“Does she feel good baby?” Mr Cookie asked his wife.
“Oh fuck ya. So fucking good. She’s going to make me cum soon.” Cookie moaned.
I moved from her insides to her clit, licking and sucking it once more, as I added two fingers inside of her. I figured he intended to fuck her while she ate me out, so the least I could do was get her ready for him. It didn’t take long before she was pressing her hips down and riding my fingers. With a few hits to her sweet spot, she was giving a long and deep moan as she came. I moved my fingers and began to lick at her juices until she stopped pulsing and then I moved back, knowing that it was Mr Cookie’s turn. Cookie instantly moved so she was on her hands and knees and he went behind her. I laid down in front of her, opening my legs, exposing my crotch-less panties, no need to strip off. Cookie waited until her husband penetrated her before she bent down to lick at my pussy. I put my head back, closing my eyes, allowing myself to feel her tongue, blocking out the rest.
Cookie was very good at eating pussy. It was effortless for me to completely block out her husband even though he’s so involved. Her vibrating tongue ring had me automatically screaming out, the sensation against my clit was unlike anything I’ve experienced before. I couldn’t help but hope that they called me again.
“Oh fuck.” I moaned.
The sensation was unbelievable and then she started to tongue fuck me with it. I was a goner at that point. The heat quickly built inside of me, and long before I was ready for this to end, I was cumming hard, she licked it all up. By the time I was opening my eyes they had both came as well, I knew by the looks on their faces that I had two very happy, satisfied customers.